feelin' frightful

it is quite easy to say or give advice to someone than it is to take those same advice, quite frankly because all you have to do is say the words and the person your giving advice to has to be the one to do the action which is usually so much harder.

I have had various encouragement, safety, love and etc talks with my friends or acquaintances and had given my fair share of advice to them when they consult with me or just want a sound wall to vent to. As I am right now i am afraid and anxious, feeling no safety in my own home (as explained by my previous post). the quote i posted before is too true that it just makes it even harder.

To be aware that at any moment in your life someone or something can happen that would turn your life too painful is positively horrible to feel. it wakes us up from our dreams of bad things only happening to other people. It makes you realize the fatality of it all, how weak we actually are as a person and the lengths your are willing to go to feel safe again, if you can feel safe again, or for that matter be the same person you were.

HoYay: X-Men First Class

Both of my friends had recently told me something that i had not realized when i had watched X-Men First class, and that was it was riddled with the Bromance of Xavier (Played by James McAvoy) and Magneto (Played by Micheal Fassbender).

(Yes, That's Magneto in a dress and yes it cannon)

personally i could not picture this pairring because the nerd that i am is more then aware of the comic book image of Prof. X and Magneto, which is namely old, though magneto in the recent comics is rather hot for an old guy.

(Now imagine this and add the muscles in his skin tight costume)

the movie itself story wise was heart breaking for a comic book nerd such as myself noting a lot of discrepancies in the continuity which i would not even bother going into anymore. a movie's a movie and X-Men first class had unsuspectingly, at least to me, slipped in some HoYay while they were at it which is just plain great.

(the way i see them)

(the way my friends and shippers see them as)

Shit Happens

So i think my house just got robbed again. were not sure if it was an inside job or if it was someone new who robbed us or the same one who robbed us before all i know is I am afraid. in this incident they were able to get away with a lot of money and this in it self pisses me off, but sadly the fear and anxiety is not from what was stolen. the fear and anxiety comes from the fact that we don't even know how they did it considering that it was locked in our safe and very few people within our family know of the combination or even the fact that there was such a large amount there or if it was someone in the family, but i digress.

the fear and anxiety as those who were home invaded or had been the victim of illegal doings should probably know deep down is that it could happen again. a home hardly becomes a home when you no longer feel safe in it. the streets outside your house become dangerous and filled with bad people. the strangers still remain strangers but now with a sense of anxiety when you are in too large a crowd. quite honestly my own experiences in this field are comparatively smaller compared to those i know and in that i believe i am lucky enough. the moral is bad people exist.

"Erica: I always believed that fear belonged to other people. Weaker people. It never touched me. And then it did. And when it touches you, you know... that it's been there all along. Waiting beneath the surfaces of everything you loved. " - The Brave One (2007).

Of magic and Glitter

A friend of mine had recommended a show to me called "Merlin" (BBC) , a re-depiction of the old tale retold so many times in so many entertainment mediums which in this case takes the form of a british tv series involving a Mid teen version of Merlin (played by Colin Morgan) and Arthur Pendragon (played by Bradley James) before they became truly legendary. A part of me had doubts when i was first told of this show mainly because i've seen (Hallmarks)"Merlin" so many times already, but boredom got the upper hand and watched the show, and now the show is part of my tv regulars.

(Prince Arthur with the sword and Merlin with the torch)

the shows appeal in my opinion is twofold; first is its fantasy setting which would satisfy an amateur D&D gamer or a fantasy genre whore, such as myself. its second appeal, at least to me is the gay potential of it all. I am not saying that is so riddled with gay campness that it oozes glitter (not that there's anything wrong with that) but more of the fun derived by viewers like me from blurring certain lines in Arthur and Merlin's relationship and fan squealing over it.

why do they assume

i have opened up about my sexuality to some people that i feel comfortable enough with and they automatically assume that i want to be a girl. i mean just because i like men doesnt make me into a girl, if so, every other "straight" guy out there who ever had a man crush would be girls by now. i mean seriously!

considering that the stereotypical version of a gay man here in the philippines is someone who dresses and acts like a woman it shouldn't really suprise me, but could at least the people intelligent enough know there is a difference.

here's what:
a person who likes the same sex -Gay
a person who enjoys wearing clothes of the opposite sex - cross dresser
a person who wants to be the opposite sex they were born as- transsexual
a person who had undergone a sexual reassignment surgery- transvestite

therefore a person can be all of the above at one point or another but that doesnt mean those terms are interchangeable. personally I like my penis, so stop assuming that i want to be a girl just because i say im gay

a little fun fact though: when i opened up i said i was Bi and they still assumed i wanted to be a girl. something is seriously wrong with the perception of people in this country.

(if i had defined something wrongly please tell me. if you dont know what some words mean like "man crush"i suggest looking it up because unless im in the explaining mood when i write then thats that.